Kaotic Existence

So im gone till monday night.  home till friday and gone again till sunday. Peace post tuesday . some interesting stuff, i promise. 

When I was a young boy
I was honest and I had more self-control
If I was tempted I would run
Then, when I got older
I began to lie to get exactly what I wanted
When I wanted it
And I wanted it
Now, I’m having trouble differentiating
Between what I want
And what I need
To make me happy
So instead of thinking I just act
Before I have a chance to contemplate the
Consequence of action

Bridge:
And I will turn off
And I will shut down
Burying the voices of my conscience hitting ground
And I will turn off
And I will shut down
The chemicals are restless in my head 
‘Cuz I lie
Not because I want to
But I seem to need to
All the time
Yeah, I lie
And I don’t even know it
Maybe this is
All a part of my flawed design

And ever since I figured out
That I could control other people
I’ve had trouble sleeping
With both eyes closed
And if I asked permission
If I make sure it’s ok
I promise I won’t slip up this time
You can trust me
But never take advice from someone
Who just admitted to being devious
Who just confessed to treason
And I would also
never ask a question
That I cannot ask myself
For it might
Dirty up your conscience :
‘Cuz I lie
Not because I want to
But I seem to need to
All the time
Yeah, I lie
And I don’t even know it
Maybe this is
All a part of my -

And how can you say those things
Why can’t you just believe
And how can you say those things
And keep a straight face
And how can you say those things
Why can’t we just believe
And how can you say those things
And keep a straight face 
And I will turn off
And I will shut down
Burying the voices of my conscience hitting ground
And I will turn off
And I will shut down
The chemicals are restless in my head

‘Cuz I lie
Not because I want to
But I seem to need to
All the time
Yeah, I lie
And I don’t even know it
Maybe this is
All a part of my -
‘Cuz I lie
And if I could control it
Maybe I could leave it all behind
Yeah, I lie
And I don’t even know it
Maybe this is all a part of my
Flawed design

Holy crap im sore.  I went and meet ken for breakfast at Hotel mac yesterday mornoing. and since i live 5 minutes away. i walked over, I ended up running there i was late almost 15 min late.  Good thing i didnt drive, half of Downtown was closed, had some kind of charity run walk. lol was kinda funny when i was flying buy all of them. Then meet Aly and miranda and went to the mall walked that for 2 hours. then went for a 2 hour bike ride. My ankles are so damn sore. but whatever. 

    SHOWER. then im hitting the mall for a haircut, then some shooting.

                 I have some cool news, ill post tonight.
 

Unlike the Turd Twister and Bathroom Louie, this fecal idea is pretty useful. A Quebec design student has created a concrete bench that heats by pumping water heated by warm sewage through the bench. In Montreal the sewer temperature stays at a toasty 60 degrees Fahrenheit most of the year. This bench uses pumps connected to the sewer pipe to pump water warmed by the sewage through the bench, therefore keeping your bum warm. Ironic? Yes, a little.

I have this bank draft sitting on my fridge., it s for almost 2grand. i dont know if i should give it to the person it belongs. or fuck it and keep it for myself . was MY MONEY hmmm i damn it jaysen this is your fault.

How are kids supposed to grow up and be “normal” i use that word in the loosest way possible. Normal is a very vauge word.. What is the world coming too. I read this in the Edmonton sun today. “Toddler shocks foster mom” How can anyone. I dosnt matter if your fucked on drugs. you still have some idea of what write and wrong is. You know what a good idea or bad idea is. what may be fun. or just damn well fucking stupid. Anyone who treats a child like this should be, Publicly stoned, Shot and hung. Then placed on display.

Apparently Canada officials have more important thing to bitch about. Fucking French men. what are you going shut down office and argue about figure out a way to stop me from saying FUCKING FRENCH MEN. IN SHEER FRUSTRATION…………wow. im sure glad i know where my money goes….FUCKING FRENCH MEN.

Anyways. i don’t know, i really wanted to go biking today. but it was raining pretty hard. i still might go for a shorter after dinner, i don’t know. But Saturday or Sunday. weather pending. im going to go exploring. apperently i know nothing about DT Edmonton. so im going to learn,

but now i cook.. huumhhhhhhppth i dont want, maybe pizza 73….

Oh and 102 hits today. and not one comment. comeone people. let me know who you are.

RVC called today. my bike was read.. three days before they said it would be. and only cost me 98.00$ So i got my bike back but it’s raining.. fuck that didnt stop me. i went for a ride. almost three hours. not very long but long enough. I’m am going to go again tomorrow. but ill go … as long as im home before 8. maybe ill go after see what time it is when i get home. hmm . But yeah. Fuck im soo looking forward to Calgary.

I shouldn’t have gone too work today, should have stayed home. damn. im really boring today. i feel asleep when i got home. no ill be up all night. i should go get some of those sleeping pills.

It’s so funny. i don’t trust ANYONE. and really has anyone given me any reason too. i dont know . whatever.

So i was supposed to be in for mac today. kinda pissed that i didnt go, was going to make a cool grand for 7 hours of work. but. i guess on foreseen circumstances stooped them from doing the job, But o well. just means i don’t have to drive 6 hours. probably get a speedy ticket. get really drunk and have to get up at 5 am to do this job, sleep in a dirty gross hotel.

Im having to much fun with photography. i stayed up till 3 am last night reading and learning new things.
Well right now im supposed to be on my way to fort macmurry. But im not. it got canceled. lol good. It was at a camp. they where going to make me do a piss test. Not really a big deal but still its the principle. but whatever. i dont have to go there now witch makes me VERY HAPPY.

I bought a new lens this after noon. 300mm , I can zoom in, pan and take a pic of a car doing 70 with no blur im having fun spying on people its soo cool. Cost me 650 on sale but reg 750 every bit helps. but yeah. im going to go Saturday to finaly get those shots i want. hopefully they will turn good. anyways i really don’t have much too say. so